Chronicles of the Messy Wonderful Life Entry 5: Sleep…or rather, the lack of

February 6, 2023  |  Rachel Benjamin

I used to be an expert sleeper. There was one notable time that I slept through a fire alarm – it was only a drill – but still impressive none the less. My oldest has inherited this trait. His six-year-old frame has the sleeping power of a teenager. When he was first born, my husband and I didn’t know the gifted sleeper we had. We weren’t able to fully relate with those parents who were running on little to no sleep months after their kids were born. We thought maybe we had done the sleep training ‘right.’ Maybe those sleep deprived parents just didn’t know how to train their infant correctly…. That is until number 2 came along. Then we realized that our first born was simply a superstar sleeper – he was the exception, not the rule.

My second born has trouble sleeping. He is 2 years old and is still up in the middle of the night. We’ve tried everything. The most effective way to get him to sleep is to simply rock him. The hours I have spent in that rocker … I hate to admit it, but there are days when I don’t fully cherish that time (especially at 4 in the morning.) I feel like I’m wasting time. Like I’m wasting precious moments that I could be doing something productive or at least sleeping so that I could be rested enough to be productive in the morning.

Last night was no different, I sat in the rocker slowly trying to get him to sleep. He finally dosed off and I seamlessly laid him in his crib, but there is no such thing as a seamless transition to a 2-year-old. He noticed the second he wasn’t in my arms and started to cry once again. I held him and tried rocking him once more. And begrudgingly thought: Why can he only sleep peacefully when I’m holding him?

Like is often the case, God used this Motherhood moment to remind me – that’s where I sleep best too, in the arms of my loving heavenly Father.

I was up last night again with worries that aren’t mine to carry. I was up worrying and trying to solve problems that God alone can solve. The Psalms tell us that he grants sleep to those He loves. When we’re truly trusting and resting in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father, that’s when we can experience the peace that passes all understanding. So often, Motherhood isn’t peaceful. It’s crazy and chaotic and stressful. BUT I don’t think it always has to be. I’m starting to learn that when I lay down my burdens, rest and peace are mine to have.

I hope you know the safe arms of your heavenly father. He knows your name and every detail of every worry that clouds your mind and robs you of sleep. Before you go to bed tonight, try laying the burdens down and giving them to the only One who is capable of solving all of them. Then put your head on your pillow and sleep, peacefully.